“Did you know that women really like guys with soft feet? I always thought they liked muscles or nice teeth but an article I read yesterday said 52% of women like it when a man has soft feet so that’s what I’m doing” he explained while casually rubbing his bare feet with lotion atop his desk. “I guess that makes sense but I need you to sign these forms…” she added upon realizing his hands were covered in the creamy lotion. “I’m a little busy right now, can somebody else sign them?” he asked while lathering up his right foot, doing a horrible job of rubbing in the lotion on his light pink sole. “Michael, you’re doing it all wrong” Dwight added after suddenly appearing at the door. “What are you talking about? It’s just lotion, you just rub it in” Michael disputed. “Let me do it, you’ll be here all day” Dwight volunteered as eager as ever to earn his boss’ approval.

Erin watched with a confused look as Dwight pumped some lotion in his hands and reached for Michael’s naked foot to demonstrate the proper massaging technique. “Don’t touch my feet! Are you crazy?” Michael objected as he yanked away. “Fine, I’ll show you myself” Dwight concluded as he pulled a chair up to the desk and propped his socked feet up. “Should I leave?” Erin asked. “I’ll sign them later, Erin but I might need a towel at some point” Michael answered as he continued working the lotion between his short toes. “See, you really have to get into the meat of the sole to properly hydrate” Dwight explained while working his thumbs into the rich balls of his farmer feet, surprisingly clean and smooth for someone so outdoorsy. “I don’t think you’re getting enough absorbed in, my feet are way softer” Michael assured with his usual blind confidence. “Let me see” Dwight said as he reached for the nearest foot and Michael let him feel along the low arch only to prove his point. “HAohaohEY! You know I’m ticklish, be careful” the older man objected with a bubbly giggle. “They’re not rough but not nearly as soft as mine. I use a special beet moisturizer every night after I get out the bath” Dwight explained with pride in his homemade concoction.

“There’s no way they’re softer than mine” Michael refuted as he ran a few fingers along the higher arch of Dwight’s supple sole. “Wow…that is soft. You weren’t kidding” Michael said in awe. “Told you – it’s my moisturizer. I’ve also been strengthening my feet since I was a boy so I’m not even ticklish unlike most of you city men around here” Dwight gloated as he flexed his bare feet on the desk top. “That’s impossible!” Michael rejected as he stood up and ran a few fingers up his assistant-manager’s right foot. “Like I said – nothing” Dwight bragged. “Hold on, hold on. Let me try…this!” Michael announced with a surprise move, wrapping his arm around Dwight’s ankle and scribbling all over the big pale foot. “Come on…come on! I know you wanna laugh” Michael encouraged as he looked back to see Dwight biting his lip, trying to contain his laughter. “What about these toes??” Michael suggested. “Michael, wait!” Dwight objected but not fast enough before his animated boss scratched along the base of his plump toes. “AAaohaohaoAHaaohAMmIiICChhAAEElLLL! AAHoahaOHASSTTOoOPPP!! AHAOHaOHSSTToOoPPPP!!” Dwight suddenly broke with a loud burst of laughter, kicking in the hold until his other strong leg knocked him into the wall. “Jesus, Dwight…take it easy” Michael tried to reprimand as the geeky salesman planted his super soft feet on the floor. “Well…not easily tickled” Dwight added. “You know who I bet has soft feet? Jim” Michael suggested with a raised eyebrow of intrigue as he started out his office, still barefoot.

“Hey, Jim are you busy?” Michael asked. “Yeah, I’m about to call a customer back” “Great, would you mind showing me your feet?” “What?” “Yeah, just prop em’ right up here on your desk. It’s for research” the easily distracted manager instructed. “Why do you want to see my feet?” Jim asked with his usual confused/annoyed tone. “Just take off your shoes and socks and show me those big feet of yours!” Michael tried to persuade with a goofier tone and a playful few pats on his shoulder. “Michael, what is this about?” Pam asked from the neighboring desk. “Michael is trying to compare his feet to Jim’s after he found out mine are superior” Dwight interjected, he too still barefoot. “That’s somehow weirder than I imagined and I’m still busy” Jim dismissed. “Jim, come on! Just show me, I need to know how to make mine better” Michael continued as Dwight joined in on his crusade. “Michael, no, I’m not showing you my feet” Jim refused, not wanting to put his bare feet on display in front of everyone. “Oh don’t be a baby, I’ve got this” Dwight added as he pulled Jim’s chair back and grabbed one of his long legs, corralling it in his arm.

“Dwight! What are you doing?? Get off me!” Jim argued while the rest of the office was now watching. “We’re just gonna do a quick comparison, it’s not a fetish thing…well maybe a little but you know what I mean” Michael added while the hunk of the office tried to pull his leg free. “See, was that so hard?” Dwight asked after yanking the tube sock from the young dad’s foot to reveal a handsome foot, smooth, pink, high arched, and meatier than Michael’s or Dwight’s. “Let go of me, now! I'm serious, Dwight!!” Jim barked with mounting embarrassment and frustration, usually the last one in the office to be nervous or in a compromising position. “Your feet are way better than mine! Do you get pedicures or use lotion? What kind of moisturizer do you rub them with?” Michael asked in amazement before dragging few fingers down the length of Jim’s radiant sole to see how it felt. “I don’t use anyAyTIthONToahoahaSSToOPPP!” Jim tried to answer as Michael accidentally forced out a goofy laugh from his clever salesman. “What was that?” Andy asked from the sidelines. “He just scratched me, his nail scratched me” Jim tried to excuse with his meaty foot still in Dwight’s grip. “That’s bologna – Jim’s ticklish” Dwight announced, igniting a spark of fear in his frenemy before his agile fingers launched onto the velvety foot.

“AoAoaOAHaohohaoahAAGGgEETToOOOFFFF!! HAOHaOhaOHAHADDWwiIiIGGhHHTTAOAHOAHAAHAOaAHoah SSTTOOopPPP!! AHoahoahoaHAOHaOaHaSSSTTOOoOOPPPP!!! ahoAHoahaohaOHAOAHALlLLEEETTGGoOOOOOaoAHAOHAA!!” erupted from Jim with a forced smile as he jerked in the desk chair, still trying to free his leg of the strong hold while everyone watched. The focused fingers raked across his impressive arch, across the peachy balls, and along the lush heel with the kind of relentless enthusiasm Dwight had when he was really hyped about something. “Jim is ticklish…” Kevin whispered to Oscar who was equally fascinated by the unusual scene. “Try his toes!” Michael chimed in with a wide smile. “AhANaNOOONNOO AHAOHASSTTAAAyYYAAWWAAyYYY AHaohaFFRRROOoMMmMYyYAhaohAOTTOooEEESSS!!” Jim protested through the wild laughter but Dwight loved getting the better of him and moved up to the juicy toes and ravaged them with his short nails, making Jim squeal even louder. “AAOAHOAHaOhaohaOhaoAHAAOHaOHAAAHAOhAOAHAOHAAAHAHAAAAA JJJuuUSSTTT AOHAOAHSSTTOOoOPPP!! AHOhAOAHAAAHAOHAOhAAAOHAOiiIMMmSSERRrIIIOOOOuuUSSS!!” Jim tried to persuade as he gripped the arms of his chair and squirmed like a madman with every stroke and scribble.

“What’s going on?” a voice suddenly asked as he entered the office, distracting Michael and Dwight enough to stop tickling Jim’s rich foot. “What the hell, man?!?” Jim let out as jerked his foot back as soon as he could. “I bet Ryan’s are even better!” Michael exclaimed before he and Dwight charged the cocky brunette, Dwight tackling him before he could run back out. “What is going on?? Get off, Dwight!!” “It’ll only take a minute!” Michael assured while Dwight pinned Ryan down enough to get his shoe and sock off, exposing a slender, light pink foot with bubbly toes. “How are everybody’s feet softer than mine??” Michael questioned with frustration while caressing Ryan’s heel. “You can’t just play with my feet…not for free anyway” Ryan objected. “The real test is by licking; the tongue is much more sensitive to texture” Dwight enlightened before running his tongue down Ryan’s freshly bare sole. “NOOO!! AAhohAOSTOoPPP!” Ryan shouted with wide shocked eyes as the enthusiastic tongue snaked down his wrinkled foot until slipping off at the toes. “Definitely soft; I suspect regular pedicures” Dwight concluded as the savory taste filled his mouth. “At least he didn’t lick your foot” Pam added to her disheveled husband. “We’re never talking about it…ever” Jim answered rather quickly as he slipped his shoe back on and Michael and Dwight got off Ryan.

“Michael, I use a prescription hydration cream that’s supposed to-“ “Gross, Toby I don’t wanna hear about your feet” Michael interrupted. “I can give you some of that special beet moisturizer if you want” Dwight offered while his long toes gripped the carpet. “Maybe later, I’m gonna ask Jim if he uses a special soap or something” Michael rejected as he started toward Jim. “Michael, if this is about my feet I’m gonna leave for the rest of the day” Jim made clear, wanting to avoid the touchy topic all together. “I’ll catch ya later” Michael heeded before turning back toward his office. “Hey, I saw the last part of whatever that was earlier...you should know you could make some cash on the side; plenty of guys would pay to see feet like yours” Ryan offered discreetly to Jim. “I’m going to quit if anybody else talks about my feet today” Jim retorted as he tried to forget what’d happened only minutes earlier. “Whatever, man… just trying to hook you up” the shady temp added as he walked away. Jim tried to get back to work by focusing on the papers on his desk but only a few minutes later a different voice was back in his ear, “I know an ancient technique that can help you control your ticklishness”

“Dwight, I swear to god!”